What is wrong with me that I didn't like Bridesmaids? | Arts & Culture

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What is wrong with me that I didn't like Bridesmaids?
What is wrong with me that I didn't like Bridesmaids?

This week, just like $98,000,000 worth of other people before me, I went to see Bridesmaids. I had heard constantly and from every corner of my life that the movie was a riotous game changer for the “chick flick” genre. I was promised that I would laugh so hard that I would pee myself.  At the very least, I was promised that I would LOVE it.

As a person who loves a trashy girl movie (especially one about weddings) almost as well as she loves a tight, witty comedy, I have to say that from the outside, Bridesmaids looked exceptionally promising. I fell hard for Maya Rudolph in Idiocracy. In my estimation, Kristen Wiig was the very best part of both Adventureland and the utterly tedious Extract. (Let’s not even discuss my deep and abiding love for Chris O’Dowd of the IT Crowd.) This movie should have had everything required to bring me great happiness… but it just left me feeling like I had wasted my Super Tuesday $5.

It actually started off ok, with charming and believable friendship chemistry between Wiig and Rudolph (I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that they’re actually friends).  Now, I realize that a certain element of predictability is to expected with most mainstream comedies. But, I was willing to overlook it because I thought that the humor and the level of performance would be more than enough to make up for it. Oops, my bad.

Thing I hated #1: Meet the Parents is the only movie I ever walked out of. I just found it horribly unfunny and couldn’t bear to be in the same room with Ben Stiller’s stuttering feigned awkwardness and idiotic cat milking jokes for another minute. Bridesmaids steals the Wilson/Stiller feud pretty much directly with the uber-perfect Helen vs. Wiig’s uber-loser Annie. As a result, a good 1/3 of Bridesmaids is lost in tedious one-upping, only fractions of which are actually funny.  Although Wiig’s bridal shower freak out does have some appeal, the puppies and the berets and the anus bleaching jokes lacked any actual cleverness, and left me mostly rolling my eyes and checking my phone to see when this crapfest was going to be over.

Thing I hated #2: Save for Rudolph and Wiig, the remainder of the bridesmaids in the line up were completely one dimensional (Disney virgin, slutty housewife, & the ugly one) and were never really given the opportunity to pop into 3-D.  I would have preferred to see a bit more of them (and at least vary the rhythm of the movie a little), and a bit less (ok, a lot less) of the Helen/Annie feud. Overall, I felt like their presence was extraneous, and the minutes they did get onscreen were just more stupid gags (did I hallucinate it, or did Disney & housewife actually make out on that airplane?).

Thing I hated #3: The minute they walked into the Brazilian restaurant, I knew that an epic diarrhea scene was on the way.  Aren’t these the kind of low-brow shenanigans reserved for those awful Sex & The City movies? Maybe I’m too uptight to love a good crapping yourself scene… I don’t know. It just seemed gross and unnecessary.  

Thing I hated #4: I get it, Paul Feig & Judd Apatow appreciate British comedy. They should. It tends to be by far sharper and less heavy-handed than the typical American Dane (you know that it’s funny because I’m yelling) Cook style fare. That said, what the heck were Chris O’Dowd and Matt Lucas doing in this movie? Just as I hate it when they cast some bland American starlet in a British role (yes, I’m looking at you Gwyneth & Renee), I find this setup equally irksome. Chris O’Dowd is charming and adorable and one of the very few bright spots of this movie… but he’s playing a WISCONSIN COP.  Wha? Again, Little Britain is an amazing show, but WHY are Annie’s roommates British? It just feels very unnatural and tacked on.

Thing I hated #5: Shockingly, I didn’t hate The Hangover. It was well cast (keeping the core characters to 3 was smart), and so goofily over the top that I didn’t notice the flaws (which I’m sure were numerous). Bridesmaids was clearly meant to be “The Female Hangover” (always a mistake).  In this overzealous attempt to prove that girls can be just as crass and outrageous and boys, the parts of the movie that were actually sweet (all the scenes with just Wiig & Rudolph), and genuine (Chris O’Dowd’s crushed heart), and actually funny (ok, I’m drawing a blank right now, but I’m sure there was SOMETHING) got buried completely.  So yeah, the thing I hated most about this movie is that it could have been pretty perfect, and it ruined itself trying to make a pointless point.

I can't help but be a little confused/disconcerted about what this means about me. So many amazing people in my life (men & women) just adored this movie, and I'm obviously just not seeing it. Do I need to see it again? Perhaps some lively debate will sway my views. Convince me!

*One small footnote of joy was found for me in this movie in the form of Wilson Phillips. What can I say, I’m a child of the Color Me Badd era. I had downloaded “Hold On” to my iPod before the credits started rolling. And you know, it still holds up.

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